so lost...

i'm missing my hero a whole lot right now... i was sitting here listening to the songs for a CD that we were going to dance on the beach to in the moonlight... and it's just now hitting me that we're not going to get to do that for a long time... and the "9 days" after seeing him in savannah has turned into 14... and probably 21... and most likely 28 or more... *sigh*

and making things worse is the thought of the misunderstanding we had just before he was evacuated... and i just don't feel like things were completely resolved, but was willing to drop it because we'd be seeing each other in a few days, and talking those things out is much easier, and better, than typing them... and now by the time i get to see him, it will be such an old issue, and may not get resolved till it blows up again...

and despite the misunderstanding, i miss him... it's usually months between visits, so why am i feeling like this, you ask? well, when we left savannah, we were so hyped up about seeing each other so soon... and now that hype is gone... and i'm left feeling lost... and alone... and let down... (not by chris, or anyone else... just let down in general)... and i'm trying so hard to be understanding and strong for him through this whole evacuation ordeal... but the fact is, not having a schedule is screwing with my mind, and body... and it's really starting to get to me... and not knowing when i'll get to see him again is tough also... i have a counter on my computer that counts down the time between visits... and right now it's on 9999 years 99 months 99 days 99 hours 99 min 99 sec... i want a real time to be there...

i should stop listening to this damn CD... it's causing me to be all emotional and girly...

and if this past week has been my punishment for hitting a rabbi, i've learned my lesson... i just want my emotions, relationship, and schedule to get back to normal... is that too much to ask?